The Underlying Guilt

Here I am sitting in office, and using the inexhaustible resources at my disposal for all non official purposes. Staring at the black and white drivel on the screen and conjuring up strange images of Red and Blue rivers flowing from beautifully misty mountain tops. I cant hear what my project manager is telling me nor can I seem to get a grip on the immediate task at hand.
My hands are trembling with fear and excitement. There has been a realisation in me that what Ive been thinking for so many months is absolutely true. I dont belong here. My world lies in the cloudy skies where the angels reign. Im not stoned at this moment of realisation but I am positive that the right side of my brain is numb. It is cryin for freedom but is withheld.
My only complaint is why does thi strike me so late. Its so great to feel empowered. To know that you could cut the chord that binds you to mother earth. To know that everything will end when you desire it to. And then bliss...the music that runs in the winds. Blowing across the east into my senses and there is where lies the underlying guilt.
The guilt that your enjoying every moment and wait for it to end. The guilt that you wish it never to end. The guilt of knowing too much and feigning that you have known nothing. the gulit of immobility, the guilt of pleasure.
Adieu happiness. I may never know you again....my attacks of amnesia are too much to contend with. I will meet you on the other side when life and those devoid of it become one.