Alcoholic's Lamentations

Last week was the first time I had my first serious whiff of whiskey. The kick was immens and I felt nirvana as at hand right at that moment. But there was something strange in the feeling...it seemed familiar. Im not talkin about the time I had my entire quarter of vodka. There was something which was more familiar. And then it struck me how I have always been transported into different places when listening to Floyd. I recollect the pure joy of existence that I expereinced when I listened to them. The feeling however was never replicated ever since. SOmehow words have not lost meaning. Music only brings out the worst melancholic feeling within my twisted mind. The lamenting and pining of a broken sickeningly filthy soul can only be imagined when you imagine someone who just fails to appreciate words which pierce deeper then an Uzi.
Being an alcoholic is not bad but the habitual need of an intoxicant only to drive away the desperate feeling of suicide is what bothers me. There were so many factors which could give me that feeling of a "Beam me up Scottie"....I just cant imagine where they have disappeared. Wicked Games(chris isaac), Comfortably numb(if you dont know the writer and performer of this song, fuck you), Peaceful Easy Feeling(Eagles) and generally the music which used to obscure my sense for a while and provide me with the orgasmic sensation....I just don't feel anymre. Why is it all physical now. Why do I need my bottle of Vodka every week just to get in touch with who I really am.
MY mind is totally fucked right now. I have crazy shows on Tv playing in the background and I swear I could kill the host...I swear I could without any repentance and consider myself as his angel of death relieving him of his miseries consisting of hosting this filthy,rotten, pieces of turd which deserve no more than fish dried in the middle of the Sahara and burnt with the hair of a Red Indian named Long Dick. But who the fuck is ready to end my life in a similar way. Who the fuck..