Insomnia

An empty gaze filled my eyes yesterday,
Just staring at the screen and contemplating,
The blues couldn't bring in the expected results.
I could have just shut down everything and split,
But there was something that told me not to.
It was just probably because I wanted to talk,
Thats it you know,
Open my trap and let you know that I am weary,
That I still fight the feeling of futility.
But there was no use blowing your spirits as well,
And so I helped myself with some caffeine,
Not too much but just enough to soothe me a bit.
And then I again sat up infront of the screen thinking,
Though I'm not too sure what kept me up all night,
Was it my fear, was it you or was it just the caffeine.

It pains me sometimes when I think,
Pains me that none of you understood.
That you praised the choice of word,
When you comprehended none.
It was acceptable that it didn't make sense,
And so it was considered my poetic genius,
The more incomprehensible it became,
The more you lauded my efforts.
Frankly, I didn't have a clue of what they meant.
I was comforted with the fact that it was loved,
And encouraged me to equip my word arsenal.
This didn't pain me then and so you may ask why,
Well there is a simple explanation to my feelings.
My words are simple now and all is heart felt,
But again you understand none of it,
Only this time I'm called mediocre for my simplicity,
And what is true maybe considered stupid,
But that is me, all of it.
I will not tread my old ways for your applause,
In a way this pain is comforting,
It is comforting to know I'm not like any of you.