Different Types Of 'Sexuals'.(A White Paper by Prof Psychohistorian)

According to a recent research conducted in planet Libido there is evidence of a new kind of 'Sexual' in the Universe. We all knew of the previous kinds the traditional Homo and Bi and the more modern Hetero. But what has startled scientists is the evidence of a new kind of species. Its been termed as a NON.
While we are very well aquainted with the escapades of the likes of George Michael in the bathroom and even from history where Alexander played the naughty boy and sometimes the naughty girl, this new discovery has come as a complete shock. Researchers say that these species have no movement whatsoever in the top half of their body close to the chest (or the bottom half) when they come across the opposite sex(or the same for that matter). They refuse to accept the existence of any other being in the planet and seem to dwell in the philosophy that procreation can be left to the crane who brings the little one home.
The recent findings also point out that these species can be more dangerous than any sterilisation program since these peole mentally sterilise the civilisation. Prof Nee Da Lay of the University of Seymour Butt in Western Virginia has this to say "The Non-Sexuals could become a threat for civilisation if allowed to thrive in the manner that they are. What we need to do is to spread the message of uncontrolled love making across all sections and if possible identify these people and smoke them out of their own holes (wherever these maybe)",

Of Pears Soaps, Hydrogen Balloons And Red Stationary

Right now at this point in life I wish of nothing more than getting into an IIM. I have the oppurtunity and since God gave me this chance I almost think of it as my birthright to be in. Moreover, I think of it as a trivial wish. Something God can comply with very easily. Its amazing how all grown ups think that what they require is so trivial and must be theirs. On the other hand I look at kids and wonder what the hell they would do with the stuff that they demand.
Take my cousin for instance. Of all the things in the world what he loves the most are Pears Soaps, Hydrogen balloons and Red coloured stationary. I've always wondered why. He would never part with his soaps and always sleeps with them. It were as if there were some kind of treasure within that bar of soap. He has red pens, red erasers, red sharpeners and a red Parker. The first thing that he does when he gets a hydrogen balloon is he bursts it. The intrigue continues to grow within me.
I wonder why I cant see what he sees in these things. Life would be so much simpler, and I could just go on gazing at the sky. I would do so and not even ask for more. I continue wondering and then return back to reality where I want to get into an IIM and swim in a pool of gold after that.
Its not long before my cousin starts wondering as well where he lost these pleasures.

When You Fall Sick And Are Alone

Friday night and I just couldn't sleep a wink. I rolled over and over to no avail. I have 3 beds at home and tried all 3 of them but it just didn't work. Finally I realised a continuous shifting was working. So I moved to different beds every half hour to gain sleep worth a couple of minutes. I'm not sure if I was sleepwalking though, but I guess that in that case I wouldn't have realised I was carrying out this meaningless exercise. Usually when I can't sleep I go straight to my mum. She catches hold of me real tight as though she and you all know what a mother's warmth is. Well anycase Friday night I wasn't with my mother not even close to being with her. I contemplated the next best thing and that was to call my pal my buddy Sumitra and tell her about my terrible ordeal. But mobile balance can kill a sane man with all his health, leave alone a psycho with a cough that could recreate the entire Tsunami.
So then theres only one option you wait till morning. In the meantime you cook up all kinds of stories in your mind, things about the present, thngs about the past, things of the future and suddenly you realise that you should write all this down, but then ofcourse you can't because of the same very reason why you could think so much in the first place. BECAUSE YOUR ILL. So morning finally arrives and you contemplate telling your mum, coz it may get her worried but then again shes the best. Then I finally make the call and get her all worked up. Like a woman possessed she makes frantic phone calls to my aunt who lives close by. Now mind you I had considered this option but my aunt has a small kid and I didn't want him to get infected. But as it turns out sweet aunt invites me over and offers to take me to doc. This in Mr Brandos words "This was an offer I just couldn't refuse". Well I end up in sweet aunt's place with her kid tryin to roll me over, play with me, climb over and what not just because he was forbidden to do so by all his elders. Then I tell my aunt that it's better I go home. She refuses flatly to let go till I've seen Doc. Eat home food and doze off(thankully) till evening. Here comes the part where Doc uncle tells me to take of my shirt. Uncle and aunt watch anxiously as a Somalian refugee is unveiled. Everthing is wrong except for the fact that I dont have lukemia. 104!!!! thats it thats my temperature, weight 49 kilos and yes as I had been guessing viral fever.
Come back home. Decide on being quarantined to a single room. But dude my cousin doesnt give up. He enters the room and jumps all over the bed much to the horror of my aunt who by this time is not pretty shut to the idea of letting me go. But she insists that I saty till Sunday morning. The night was spent better(that would be obvious after you have a syringe stuck up your butt.), I wake up in the morning and have a good breakfast. Theres already the plans being made of my leaving now amongst my aunt and uncle. Dont get me wrong I really dont know what I would have done without them, and they are afterall human and do have a kid. Nevertheless makes you really feel like nothing and absolutely nothing in the world could replace home.
So uncleji gets ready to drop me. Ofcourse my cousin has to come over to drop me. I could you imagine a father driving without the assistance of a 5 year old. That was the exact excuse he gave. Well I get o the car and start sayng tata bye bye.....when I hear the dreaded sound. My cousin sneezes and gives out a loud cough. Its too late. Better not kiss good bye now.

Waiting For Sunrise and Sunset And Sunrise Again

This blog is dedicated to the 3 man army of the second, minute and hour. The irrepressible force. Well everyday I just wake up in the morning, with the futile attempt of trying to convince myself that a software professional is not a white collared labourer. Time just ticks by in trying this exercise till I finally give up by mid afternoon and wait for the magical 1800 hrs when I can guiltlessly(though I think I owe my organization nothing...not even my loyalty) walk out of office. I'm brimming with a smile, but realisation soon creeps in and it strikes saying "You ass, you fuckin have nothin better to do...you might as well have rotted in office".
Dealing with this I have actually realised that it's not so much the hatred for my job than my fear of actually settling for this which is driving me nuts. So I know at this point of time that if I continue like this waiting for time to pass by, eventually I still would be in a very comfortable positon....become a project manager and fuck knows what other crap. Ironically this is the very reason I've got to get out. The Empire awaits its awakening. Waiting on my tiny ass is not going to help.
So I decide.....and proclaim. The End is Near and so is The Begining

The Empire Speaks

Finally, the Empire speaks...It's only a matter of months before we go operational.
This is just a publicity stunt