Ode To Sita

I have been ineterested in mythology for a long time now but Ive never realised the importance of Sita till recently. She was the most opressed character in the entire epic and has never got her deserved due throughout history.
The origin of birth for the sceptics of mythology and for those who try to find scientific explanations in these stories(people like me) have always been baffled to the rational explanation of Sita's birth. She was supposedly found from inside mother earth and infact shes considered the daughter of mother earth. This was later taken as the pretext for her death where she was taken back by her mother. A plausible explanation could be that she was buried alive. But this seems unimaginable under the context that she was brought back to Ayodhya under Rams insistance.
Coming from an affluent kings house and proceeding to the forest was the biggest sacrifice that Sita made when she could have very well enjoyed the comforts of palatial Ayodhya or Mithila for that matter. But her greatest power comes from the fact that she was able to withstand the advances of Ravan in his own territory just by the power of her chastity and loyalty. Although there is no formal verification for this can be taken for granted as there would be no reason for war if Sita had infact submitted to Ravans wishes. Sita infact was probably the only reason why the reign of a demon king came to an end.
Even Rams true form, his human nature was brought out by Sita. Though it was not by her virtue but by suspicion of her character. I mean how else could God not know about the chastity of his own wife. This furtheres my belief that Ram was infact a human deity like many of the present day. The only way in which Sita gets her due nowadays is by her virtue of being Rams wife. Infact she rarely has an identity of her own. Its the most grievous offence in Indian history. Thank God for the fact that the couple is addressed as Sita-Ram and not the other way around. Its the only little payback we could have possibly done. Sita is the greatest lady in Indian Mythology cum history and probably will nver get what she deserves....not till we understand that it was she who made Ram and not the other way around.

The 4th Dimension

My posts are generally a reflection of my struggle against myself. My bickerings with my alter-ego (I dont know why but Ive lately started calling him Phillip) have assumed historic proportions. My questions have ranged from everything physical to the metaphysical to the semi-physical to the plain nothingness. Its amazing that even though there is cofirmation of the existence of three dimension, people think only linearly leaving the z-axis to be only of academic value. This is a far cry from Einsteins attempt to educate the world about his discovery, the 4th dimension time. I am writing this at this moment because after a discussion yesterday, I realised that Im not only located at the wrong co-ordinated in 3D space, but that I have also been displaced in time by a huge amount(ofcourse the amount is minuscule when compared to the general logistics of world existence).
My birth here has taken at a time where I am an innate outlaw, but there just isnt much to rebel against. So what do I do? I just fight against myself. I try and oppose all thoughts that must come naturally to me, and what am I left with.... completely unnatural thoughts. Actually Im not sure about this part. What I am thinking right now maybe in my nature and my non-freaky part is what I assume to be unnatural in me. Anyways coming back to the point, I feel cheated by time. The birth of technology took place without me, the birth of rock n roll, the Vietnam war, hippies, Microsoft, India's freedom struggle, the Fountain Head book release, The Foundation book release.
Why God why? What I have left now is watching Bush jr shout that he will smoke out Osama from his hole...that was 4 years ago and Osama right now is probably getting married to his 24th wife and conceiving hs 69th child. What I have left now is a country with stupid radical fanatic bastards doing nothing non vandalistic. Ok enough. I dont want to behave like Ms Universe and say I want to bring out world peace, but anyways I have far too many things to rebel against. And the guys Im up against dont even have brains worth peanuts. Ill win hands down. Wheres the competition. The sense of belonging increases which in turn increase my sense of unbelonging to this era? I hope some of you reading this can understand what Im saying, because I dont. Im not even drunk right now.

Breaking The Ice

Not been able to verse for a long time......its not a very great feeling when u cant and you want to...but those are the times when you dont really feel it....tht jst makes matters worse.....

I feel fantastic right now. I really do.

Breaking The Ice


It was cold last night,
And the sun came out as if in jest,
To thaw the ice that stood for so long,
To signal the end of a wintry aeon.

The ice cracks and and its frightening,
An image appears and you know its you,
Only its not,
Lying in hope of a metamorphosis.

I looked around and the voice broke in,
The ice cracked and warmth sinks in,
Watery images....vague hallucinations,
Your eyes close and wish you never saw.

The force is overwhelming,
And you feel the sudden rush,
The ice cracked last night,
And I saw the sun shining in the dark.

White

Recently things which are perceived to be good have greatly troubled me and so it comes as no surprise that I have started having a firm dislike for the colour white. White has been regarded as a beacon for thruth, peace, calm and serenity. Though this maybe true, I treat it as absolute horse shit. I mean why treat it as a symbol of purity when it possibly is the most impure colour one can percieve of. It takes seven damn colours to make this holier than thou hue(what a waste of sensory pleasure). Indians traditionally love fair women. Indians still have a fascination for white skin. Everything white ranging from American to Bosnian has entranced the Indian imagination. White presidents, white pornstars, white strippers...we love them all. So the mystery deepens, what is it with this seemingly harmless colour that has all people in a frenzy. Why is it that when an Indian beggar sings God's verse comes close to us we spurn him, but at the same time marvel at a white Hare Rama Hare Krishna hippie's spirituality and consider him the noblest soul alive. What makes the Taj Mahal so beautifu. Is it the colour? Why is it that we at the same moment shroud people with white and clad widows with this hideous colour. Why does it try and dominate both our sorrows and joys?My basic complaint is that there are so many more which could reign supreme, but why white. There possibly couldnt be anything more pure than the colour black. Black could disguise you in the night and you wouldnt be found out till daylight. Green is the colour of God. Its the colour he tried to paint the whole world with and was partly successful till he created the functionally faulty human brain which is wiping it away in ppursuit of the God forsaken colour 'WHITE'. There is lavender, yellow, blue, pink, red and so many more .....so many more that capture our emotions in a manner far superior. My basic assumption is that people inherently do not want to be responsible for anything. White gives them this sense of accomplishment. With its disgraceful neutrality, people assume they dont need to make a stand. They could just stand there reflecting all the radiation that is thrown upon them. What they clearly forget is that its not only radiation....there is gonna be alot of shit thron at you and then it becomes mighty tough to wash it away. And even if you do your never the same colour again. You become paler till there is nothing left of you and metamorphosise into absolute nothingness. Think about it.

Understanding 'Friends'

There are ver few things in the world that do not puzzle me, but I think about only a few of them. Amongst these puzzling things, what I have never had a clue about are friends. I have never understood what friendship really means. I used to think I know, but I have time and again been proven wrong. Getting overly involved with indivuduals, expecting from them, try and share their problems. Apparently all these do not work everytime. They are moer of excetions rather than rules.
My recent analysis tells me that friends are first people, indivuduals and respond better to singular dynamics(if there is any term like that) rather than dynamics of the group. There is something defensive within everyone(other than me) which keeps them away. People need space and get irritated with any kind of intrusion. But my only question is why do I then seem to be the freak in all this. Why is it that I get attached to people beyond a point of no return. I find no answers to this. Friends who go away from me never seem to come back. However hard I try (or they try) its never the same magic again. The process of getting alienated becomes so deep that you start forgettin the appearance of your reflection in the mirror. Ultimately this is an attempt to befriend the only entity which will always be with you. But sometimes even your reflection behaves like a stranger and during these depths of insanity you have absolutely none to turn to.
My belief is that probably friendship has its boundaries which I don't know of as yet. This again leads me to a question. How did Adam and Eve find the final frontier of this friendship. Was it only after they got tired of procreating. But that couldnt be(atleast I hope so) because friendship has to go beyond those few moments of happiness. Makes me think how lucky Tom n Jerry are to be immortalized in our thoughts to be enemies for life(atleast that could be an immutable relationship).
I have never in my life been the second person to lift the phone. My voice has always reached the other end first. But is it right. Should I push myself so much that it becomes disgustingly excessive. How can such habbits be changed where all I have to express is my grattitude to people who are simply great. So I once again leave it at that. It doesnt bother me that there are boundaries. I am not gonna make any conscious attempt to find them, because it would be subduing something in me that could be fatal.

The Underlying Guilt

Here I am sitting in office, and using the inexhaustible resources at my disposal for all non official purposes. Staring at the black and white drivel on the screen and conjuring up strange images of Red and Blue rivers flowing from beautifully misty mountain tops. I cant hear what my project manager is telling me nor can I seem to get a grip on the immediate task at hand.
My hands are trembling with fear and excitement. There has been a realisation in me that what Ive been thinking for so many months is absolutely true. I dont belong here. My world lies in the cloudy skies where the angels reign. Im not stoned at this moment of realisation but I am positive that the right side of my brain is numb. It is cryin for freedom but is withheld.
My only complaint is why does thi strike me so late. Its so great to feel empowered. To know that you could cut the chord that binds you to mother earth. To know that everything will end when you desire it to. And then bliss...the music that runs in the winds. Blowing across the east into my senses and there is where lies the underlying guilt.
The guilt that your enjoying every moment and wait for it to end. The guilt that you wish it never to end. The guilt of knowing too much and feigning that you have known nothing. the gulit of immobility, the guilt of pleasure.
Adieu happiness. I may never know you again....my attacks of amnesia are too much to contend with. I will meet you on the other side when life and those devoid of it become one.

The Empire Loses A Battle

Lets just say that Ive had a difficult time analysing my state of mind over the last few days.(that is after not being able to analyse my state of mind over the last few years, which after not being able to analyse my state of mind after my birth). Well in anycase my last post had alot of ramblings about how I abhor love. I think I still do and that is the purpose of this post since Im deeply concerned. I have also started dreading a certain female who has read right through my post and dissected its pretensions.(God I thought I would get away with that). So my admission comes and this certain female has defeated the Empire in this battle(this is worse than the aberration caused to the Seldons plan becoz of the Mule).
I certainly didnt mean what I said when I stated the reasons for why people fall in love. Not that Im ashamed for saying that but the sad part is I was found out.
Now is the time for the deep guarded revelation which I frankly realised only today(this I am really honest about). I am not sure but Cupid may have penetrated my defences. When I said that I hate seeing people in love I was honest but it was for a completely differnet reason(this again is only a presumption and I maybe wrong about everything I say out here...Im not sure of anything). I hate seeing them because I dont want it to be me. Im fighting the feeling, and gosh Im losing. The worst part is it feels kindda good to lose. Its almost like I want to lose and the last remnants of my demented cerebullum are holding on to a twig in a waterfall.
Getting drunk is a good option for the time that the alcohol actually fuses with my blood, but then again reality is not a good place to dwell in. You would rather rent a 1 room kitchen in a Mumbai slum.
Thinking is only going to screw me further, but do I have any options. What does a man do when hes awake seven eighths of his life. I could drive away this phase, but its quite nice and who am I to interrupt signals sent by the divine almighty. Somthing also tells me that whtevr Im feeling right now is not true and so I can take heart from it.
Please ignore the two contradictory statements in the same paragraph above. Im just plain psycho. God why am I like this?

Love,Mush and all that crap

I clearly remember my first and last crush. There is no reason why I would forget it. It didnt happen long ago nor am I not in touch with her anymore. Infact she is one of my best friends. But what is most important is that I still remember my absolutely inane behaviour infront of her. This is what has led me to the important conclusion that men are probably at their worst when in love. If their being horrible in the normal sense wasnt enough just imagine what love could reduce them to. Petty excuses, behaving extra nice to people when you could very well give them a kick in the ass, changing your likes and dislikes (I was fortunate to have done this,coz her tastes were almost identical....but if I had to I would probably have done it in anycase), and worst of all agreeing to everything he/she says. Makes me sick now.
Yeah..yeah u may call it sour grapes just because she turned me down. But believe me I seriously am a transformed being for the past three years. I cant bear to see people holding hands (I said people because lately I even see men holding hands with each other....and it obviously is not a pretty sight). My office bus takes me to office and gets me back home everyday. The worst thing about this trip is this terrible couple who are so in love God it makes me wanna vomit. They wait for each other...take a bus one and a half hours later if one of them misses the bus. It is something which makes your bowels grind. If only I could go and give them a piece of my mind and tell them that marriage is only gonna make it worse. The worst thing about all this is that even I used to these sort of things at one point of time and it makes me realise what a nincompoop I must have looked like. Not a good realisation I must say.
Now what Im gonna say next will make you feel that Im a totally sick person but I gotta say it. Nowadays I feel really unhappy if any of my friends claim to be in a relationship or claim to be in love. It feels like Im attending a funeral of a cancer patient who is in his final stages.
People fall in love because of different reasons...but I think all men do just because of one reason and thats because they are inherently stupid and think this is the only way they are gonna look cool. What they have gotta understand is the terrible virtual reality they are living in is what is described in sacred texts as Maya. When love stories ended in the lovers dying, the writers were doing them a favour. It is for common good that love must not exist simply because it kills. Lets leave it at that. It kills and I wanna live for the sake of my insanity and for the sake of what I have not achieved till now and I want to and may never will. I wanna live for me coz they say it hurts when you die, hurts worse than when you are in love. So when Cupid decides to sneak behind and stick that arrow up my bottom, I just hope my underwear can withstand that blow.

Compulsive Insomniac

This blog as it progresses will only strengthen my claim that the title is most suitable since there is no concrete content in this blog. This post will neither help me releive yself of my miseries nor am I targettin some audience by writin it. All I want to say is that Im a compulsive insomniac. Im dead sleepy right now. If anyone could get my eyes closed for a second, I would only wake up in the next century. But my mentality does not permit me to do so. My eccentricities have reached new levels and I purposely curtail my sleep and do nothing constructive while Im awake except watch 70's classics on TV(not that its constructive in a strict sense, but thats the best I can do). No matter what time of the night I return and how stoned I am, I have this incredible urge to surf the net and browse the same sites over and over again. Its become so habitual that I could type the URLs even when drugged with 5 joints of marijuana(not that Ive tried).
Beatles music playin in the background right now and prevents me from sleeping for another hour atleast. Ive heard the fuckin song a million times but I use it as an excuse to stay awake. For those of you who have read the post till here...God you gotta be real jobless to read such senseless crap which is of no value absolutely. Or the other possibility is that your a compulsive insomniac as well, in which case welcome to the club

A Night Finally Well Spent

Finally some action and a night well spent. Looking at the waves in Marine Drive, contemplating on life or the lack of it sure instills a lot in me. The food at Chowpatty added to that stirred some untouched emotions which no other could. Some booze added to that would have been fun but just didnt have the mood.
Seeing Fatman jump from anywhere is not a pretty sight, but seeing the video of his bungee jump was the only time I ever felt jealous of anyone(yesterday). Yesterday had its great moments.
1. The stinky walk to Andheri stn.
2. The great kheer at Crystals.
3. Me looking at passersby who were walkin hand in hand...shouting out what losers and telling myself that I was the one who was a loser.
4. The greatest moment however definitely had to be Kamblis comment "This is the pefect Irani Restuarant...only its not Irani". Stored and etched like a priceless gem.