Saturday, July 23, 2005

Untitled

Your just another brick in the wall.Your just another brick in the wall.Your just another brick in the wall.Your just another brick in the wall.Your just another brick in the wall.Your just another brick in the wall.Your just another brick in the wall.Your just another brick in the wall.Your just another brick in the wall.Your just another brick in the wall.Your just another brick in the wall.Your just another brick in the wall.Your just another brick in the wall.Your just another brick in the wall.Your just another brick in the wall.Your just another brick in the wall.Your just another brick in the wall.Your just another brick in the wall.Your just another brick in the wall.Your just another brick in the wall.
Your just another brick in the wall.Your just another brick in the wall.
Your just another brick in the wall.Your just another brick in the wall.Your just another brick in the wall.Your just another brick in the wall.Your just another brick in the wall.Your just another brick in the wall.Your just another brick in the wall.Your just another brick in the wall.Your just another brick in the wall.
Your just another brick in the wall.Your just another brick in the wall.
Your just another brick in the wall.Your just another brick in the wall.Your just another brick in the wall.Your just another brick in the wall.Your just another brick in the wall.Your just another brick in the wall.Your just another brick in the wall.Your just another brick in the wall.
Your just another brick in the wall.Your just another brick in the wall.
Your just another brick in the wall.Your just another brick in the wall.
Your just another brick in the wall.Your just another brick in the wall.
Your just another brick in the wall.Your just another brick in the wall.Your just another brick in the wall.Your just another brick in the wall.Your just another brick in the wall.Your just another brick in the wall.
Your just another brick in the wall.Your just another brick in the wall.
Your just another brick in the wall.Your just another brick in the wall.Your just another brick in the wall.Your just another brick in the wall.Your just another brick in the wall.Your just another brick in the wall.
Your just another brick in the wall.Your just another brick in the wall.
Your just another brick in the wall.Your just another brick in the wall.Your just another brick in the wall.Your just another brick in the wall.
Your just another brick in the wall.Your just another brick in the wall.
Your just another brick in the wall.Your just another brick in the wall.Your just another brick in the wall.Your just another brick in the wall.Your just another brick in the wall.Your just another brick in the wall.Your just another brick in the wall.
Your just another brick in the wall.Your just another brick in the wall.
Your just another brick in the wall.Your just another brick in the wall.Your just another brick in the wall.
Your just another brick in the wall.Your just another brick in the wall.
Your just another brick in the wall.Your just another brick in the wall.Your just another brick in the wall.Your just another brick in the wall.Your just another brick in the wall.Your just another brick in the wall.
Your just another brick in the wall.Your just another brick in the wall.
Your just another brick in the wall.Your just another brick in the wall.Your just another brick in the wall.
Your just another brick in the wall.Your just another brick in the wall.
Your just another brick in the wall.Your just another brick in the wall.
Your just another brick in the wall.Your just another brick in the wall.
Your just another brick in the wall.Your just another brick in the wall.Your just another brick in the wall.Your just another brick in the wall.
Your just another brick in the wall.Your just another brick in the wall.Your just another brick in the wall.Your just another brick in the wall.Your just another brick in the wall.Your just another brick in the wall.
Your just another brick in the wall.Your just another brick in the wall.
Your just another brick in the wall.Your just another brick in the wall.Your just another brick in the wall.Your just another brick in the wall.Your just another brick in the wall.
Your just another brick in the wall.Your just another brick in the wall.
Your just another brick in the wall.Your just another brick in the wall.

Friday, July 15, 2005

Alcoholic's Lamentations

Last week was the first time I had my first serious whiff of whiskey. The kick was immens and I felt nirvana as at hand right at that moment. But there was something strange in the feeling...it seemed familiar. Im not talkin about the time I had my entire quarter of vodka. There was something which was more familiar. And then it struck me how I have always been transported into different places when listening to Floyd. I recollect the pure joy of existence that I expereinced when I listened to them. The feeling however was never replicated ever since. SOmehow words have not lost meaning. Music only brings out the worst melancholic feeling within my twisted mind. The lamenting and pining of a broken sickeningly filthy soul can only be imagined when you imagine someone who just fails to appreciate words which pierce deeper then an Uzi.
Being an alcoholic is not bad but the habitual need of an intoxicant only to drive away the desperate feeling of suicide is what bothers me. There were so many factors which could give me that feeling of a "Beam me up Scottie"....I just cant imagine where they have disappeared. Wicked Games(chris isaac), Comfortably numb(if you dont know the writer and performer of this song, fuck you), Peaceful Easy Feeling(Eagles) and generally the music which used to obscure my sense for a while and provide me with the orgasmic sensation....I just don't feel anymre. Why is it all physical now. Why do I need my bottle of Vodka every week just to get in touch with who I really am.
MY mind is totally fucked right now. I have crazy shows on Tv playing in the background and I swear I could kill the host...I swear I could without any repentance and consider myself as his angel of death relieving him of his miseries consisting of hosting this filthy,rotten, pieces of turd which deserve no more than fish dried in the middle of the Sahara and burnt with the hair of a Red Indian named Long Dick. But who the fuck is ready to end my life in a similar way. Who the fuck..

Tuesday, July 05, 2005

The Forbidden Trip

I was having a talk with a recent aquaintance of mine about spirituality, mysticism and dope and the connection between them. Now from knowing him, he is an experienced pro who has recently taken up Christianity and has got out of drugs. What explanations I heard from him were beyond any kind of rationale to me. He spoke about mysticism as a way of attaining supreme knowledge...only that this was a bad act. I could not believe my ears. Now I have been reading up alot on Spirituality, actually dope and related experiences. The feeling was one of being suspended in both space and time. A feeling of supreme power...that which can be unsurpassed. However I doubt the authenticity of this feeling, which is the only thing preventing me from trying it. But I do beleive that to straighten the Kundalini up my spine is my ultimate goal. I do believe I can do this through my work. The feeling would definitely be equivalent of a pure suspension. But still is it really that easy. Does it take practice? According to my learned friend the feeling of knowledge attainment is an induced truth brought about by Satan. The power engulfing you will be pure evil simply because you reject the existence of any other God other than yourself. To him self sustainance is sin. To me its my purpose. I cannot see a reason why God would forbid his creations to turn sefl sustainance. It would be his absolute victory. Why would he prevent his child from getting knowledge of fire by burning himself when he knows that experience is the best teacher. All this is beyond my comprehension. I see science as a means to attain God and not as a gift conferred on us to enjoy ourselves. Science is a tribute to intellect, the single most greatest creation from God. SOmething that seperates us from animals. The last strain of what will be left as human. Its not your body. Its the awareness and the pure bliss of being in the zero. Burying yourself deeper into layers till only observation exists and you aware only of yourself. As a whole. I long for that feeling. And once I reach that place, my words will vanish. I will not be seeing you again. Atleast not in this world.
This will be my final trip.